“I am going to die in this house!”
Those were my first words when we moved into our current home. Such was the stress of moving house and the relief of finally being in, that all I could think in that moment was that I never ever wanted to do it again.
And yet here I am, only 4 years later, facing the stress of moving house once more. Much like being pregnant, moving house turns me into an emotional, irrational, anxious ball of agitation. I am not fun to be around, and any comments can trigger crying, anger, or a whole array of emotion.
But add to that the accumulation of 18 months of build up and worry, having to deal with a uncompromising government with very little compassion for the situation they have put us in, and I am like a monster.
I honestly don’t know how I am going to deal with the next few months. Just one week of house hunting has left me shaky, nervous and resulted in numerous heated conversations with people. I hate myself when I become like this, as I truly try to deal with things differently.
My verse for this year is two-fold, and at the moment the second half of it is speaking the words I need to hear:
“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be Strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you” Isaiah 35:3-4
How do I be strong in the situation when I am empty and hollowed out from the last 18 months? How do I not be fearful when I bear the scars of the stress of our last two house moves? How do I find the energy to do it all again even when I don’t want to? Because I know my God is going to come through. I know He is going to find us the right house and get us to it. But like with most things, He never promises that it will be an easy journey. He says that I need to strengthen and steady myself, but that I can trust in Him. My prayer today, as I feel weak and feeble, is that I can look above the stress of moving house to the God who is over all and will come through for me.
Will you pray for me as I start on this journey? I will probably be sharing some of the ups and downs of this house move with you all, and I would love to hear from anyone going through the same. x