Everything has changed. But also nothing has changed.
Life goes on as normal, but also it doesn’t and it can’t
I am living with two possible futures in my head and have no way of knowing which might happen. And it is driving me a little bit insane.
This week I reached my breaking point once again. I had swept all those feelings about the HS2 news under the carpet, trying to happily get on with normal life, but this week they all came flooding out again. How is it possible to live a normal life with a huge question mark hanging over your head? I really don’t know.
I have been trying to look at possibilities for the future in order to not be so down about the fact that our house could be bulldozed. But in doing this I have gotten myself slightly down about staying and that I can’t have that future just yet. There are so many ifs and buts that my little brain can’t handle it. And like I said in my latest Mummy Meditation, my mind has been so full of all the options that nothing else has found space.
Today though I met another lady on the estate who is a Christian, and she is so lovely. I know that many of us are praying against this and that is strength in itself, so I am hoping that we can meet up and just talk through things in a godly way and get some perspective. I am loving that all of this has thrown us together as a community and I am loving all the new people I am meeting on the estate and getting to know even better. Long may that continue!! But at the moment, my battle against the train is one that is taking place in my mind – please God help me to win it!