Torn in two directions

Do you ever feel as a mum you are torn in more than one direction?  Perhaps you know the quandary of the working mum, who has to split her time between work and her children.  Or maybe you struggle to spend time with each child and still have some left for your husband at the end of the day?  But the particular circumstance I am referring to today is being torn between your kids and God.  Let me explain…

This Sunday was phenomenal at my church – the preacher spoke so powerfully on changing our mentality from living “body, soul, spirit” to instead living “spirit, soul, body” and making sure that our hearts are right with God.  What we do externally is really only the out pouring of where our hearts are with God.  That was followed by an amazing time of worship lead by our band, and I was enjoying the time with my God and praising him.  But after the fourth song started up, my heart started to wander and thoughts of my little boy in crèche crept in.  It had been a longer than normal service and I thought “I bet he’s started to climb up the walls now and annoying the leaders!”.  

My heart was torn in two directions – I really wanted to stay in that moment of intimacy with my father God, making my heart right with him and prioritising that.  But my heart also cried out to my child, to love and protect him as only a mother can do.  Is that wrong?  Surely not, as it is a responsibility and privilege given to us by God to be parents!  But nevertheless my heart was in a quandary.  

Have you ever felt this?  What do you think the right answer is in this situation? Please comment below as I am torn!!! 


4 thoughts on “Torn in two directions

  1. Anonymous says:

    Yes Rachel I can totally identify with that feeling of being torn! Perhaps the best way to reflect on worship is not the few songs we sing on a Sunday together, great and powerful as that is, but a lifestyle of worship 24/7.
    In Matthew 25 Jesus talks about feeding, clothing, caring, visiting and says that when we do those things we are actually doing it to Him. So when you are caring for Sam, in the way you describe, you are actually doing it to Jesus! Yes there are times when we need that intimacy of time alone with Jesus but it should never be either/or.
    Me and my sister recently cared for our Mum who was terminally Ill. For a number of weeks we couldn't even get to church yet as we cooked, fed, washed, dressed and prayed with her, we never felt more closer to Jesus. So don't feel torn next time your mind wanders to Sam, just continue to worship as you go and get him! Mavis xx

  2. Michelle Twin Mum says:

    Yes I completey relate and I don't have any wise words for you sadly. I used to find it so hard to get into worship when my twins were small as it was always done before they went to group and I'd want to close my eyes and submit but then worry where they were! What I'd say is it gets easier as they get older, my youngest are now 7 and fully secure at our church and I don't have to worry where they are any more as I know they are with friends and understand boundaries. I was once told that Mums who worry are the best sort, it makes me smile! Mich x

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